Hello to my three loyal readers!

As most of you know, I’ve been out of work since June. I won’t go in to details, other than to say my former district shut down a school and so I became the sixth librarian in a five school district. So, I was bumped from my job in favor of a person with less than a quarter of my ability but three times my seniority. Not that I’m bitter or anything.

Anyway, I’ve been casting about for ways to keep my questionable sanity intact. To that end, I’ve launched some more blogs. Each blog will now have a focus instead of being a catch-all for whatever jumps into my head at the time. The new lineup will go something like this:

“Granny Beads & Grocery Store Feet” will remain my flagship blog. It will actually improve now because it will now take over as the repository of my memoir, story, and anecdote collection about my life growing up and living in the small-town South. This will now be a “politic, employment, and hopefully angst free zone.”  I’ve been asked to write a book. Well, this is where it’ll get written.

“Insomnia Inducers” is a niche blog that appeals to the neurotic, OCD, paranoid side of me. To call me a pessimist would be to defame good pessimists throughout the world. “II” will be slavishly devoted to publishing the growing list of horrible things that keep me awake at night. Truthfully, if it’s on “II”, then I’ve literally lost sleep over it.

“The Idiot Patrol” is my attempt to point out the overwhelming plethora of people in this world who should have the common decency to do us all a favor and stop breathing the air that other people so desperately need. Each update will point out a person who fits my very liberal definition of an idiot for some reason. They could be mean or a boor or a leader who is incompetent to the point of criminality. Each and every one will get my undivided attention for around 500 words. This blog will be political, employment related, and probably riddled with middle aged W.A.S.P.  angst masquerading as righteous indignation.

Finally, I’m launching “The American Reality”. This blog, located at nomoredream.wordpress.com since I couldn’t get the address I wanted, will be where I play pundit and solve every problem the world has to offer with wit and the wisdom passed down to me by my ancestors. Here, I will hold forth on education, politics, movements (bowel and otherwise), and pretty much all the rest of the hot-button issues of the day. If you want my opinion on all things public, this will be where to turn and I’ll go ahead and guess that y’all probably won’t like it.

In time, I hope to launch a one-page web site that gives a jumping off point to each of these endeavors as well as including other items of interest to me. I hope you all like the line up. It’s what I’m praying will keep me from going off the deep end of the shallow pier.

Check them out and keep your feet clean, y’all! 🙂

One of my all time favorite kids is turning sixteen tomorrow. She was one of my best customers back when I had a job as a middle school librarian and I wanted to do something for her special day, but as you can imagine, being out of work has seriously cut into the gift giving budget, so I sent her a card and enclosed a two page note that I wish someone had given me when I was turning sixteen. Maybe things would have turned out differently. Do you think I gave her good advice?

Dear _____,

You are turning sweet 16! Though you may not believe it, what comes next is probably the most important five year period of your life. From 16 to 21, you will make a ton of decisions that will affect the rest of your life. The problem is, you sometimes won’t know that you are about to make such a life changing decision until you look back on that moment from ten or twenty years down the road. For that reason, you must be careful and thoughtful about everything you do. I’ve got a few things to tell you about what’s coming that I really wish someone had told me when I was 16, but no one was around to tell me. Trust me when I say everything I’m going to tell you are lessons I learned the hard way by making mistakes, some of which I am still paying for to this day.

First, sex. Just say no. I realize that is sometimes easier said than done, especially when “everyone is doing it” and every TV show, movie, and song seems to be screaming that it’s okay and you are weird if you don’t sleep with everyone who comes along. Well, take it from me, they are wrong. Having sex too soon is a really good way to train-wreck your life in a hurry. Aside from the obvious fact that you can contract dieseases and get pregnant, you can also be devastated emotionally. I promise you, as someone who knows too well, a lifetime of regret and second guessing is not worth a few minutes of what seems like the ultimate pleasure. Also, your generation seems to have trouble sometimes figuring out “what is sex.” This is a simple question. If you have to wonder if what you are thinking of doing is sexual, then it’s sex and don’t do it. It’s just not worth it.

Second, relationships. In the next five years, you’ll cement some relationships that will last for the rest of your life. Oddly enough, some of the people you think you’ll be friends with forever will drift away while some people you never dreamed of speaking to will turn out to be your dearest friends. You won’t make all the friends you’ll ever have by 21, but you’ll get a good start. You’ll also come across a boy or two that you thought at first would make a good boyfriend but after awhile you’ll see that he’s really a great boy who’s a friend. Hold on to those because friends of the opposite sex can give you insight into some decisions that your very best girlfriends can’t.

While I’m talking about relationships, don’t forget the most important relationships of all and that’s family. You will be sorely tempted many times in the next five years to think that your parents are idiots who know nothing and are completely out of touch with reality. However, if you will watch your tongue and try, just try, to listen to them, you will be shocked when you are 30 at how incredibly intelligent they have become. No relationships are more important than family. They are the ones who have been with you the longest and you didn’t get to pick each other – you just got stuck together by Someone who is a lot smarter than all of us. If you break ties with your family, you will live to regret it. Again, I know from experience what I’m talking about. When those family members are gone, you’ll be shocked at how lonely life can be.

College and jobs. Go to college or don’t go to college. You can make it in life either way. Just don’t go to college or pick what college you go to just because “everyone else is going there”. Following what everyone else does is another really good way to train-wreck your life because you aren’t everyone else. When you decide on a career, remember this – you will spend more waking hours at your job than you will anything else in your life. If you think being in school and hating it sucks, you’ve never laid in bed listening to the clock go off and nearly bursting into tears because you hate the thought of going to a job you despise. Find something you love to do then find a way to make a living out of it. That’s what I did and it’s one of the few things in my life that is still regret free.

Jobs lead to money and if you don’t listen to anything else, PLEASE listen to this. Be careful, careful, careful about money. No, money is not the most important thing in the world – far from it – but good money management can make your life go a lot easier. The worst thing you can do is come out of college thousands of dollars in debt with student loans AND credit cards! Avoid credit cards like the plague. Debt is like crack cocaine, it feels so good to buy what you want, but sooner or later, you have to pay. Now, having said all that, don’t hoard money either. Once you have a good roof over your head and the light bill and such are paid, don’t be afraid to live a little. People who hoard up money are just keeping score and money is a very empty way to keep score. Remember this – use things and love people; don’t use people and love things.

Finally, keep one thing in the back of your mind as you go “This too will pass away.” It’s true of everything. If you are insanely happy at the moment, don’t get too caught up in it because it WILL pass away. No one can stay on the mountain top forever. At the same time, though, if you are in a dark period of life and it seems like the sun will never shine again, this too will pass away. No one stays in the valley forever, it just seems like a long time sometimes.

So, Sweetie, I hope you can find a nugget or two in the ramblings of an old man who’s seen a bit too much and avoid some pitfalls along the way. Life is a wonderful thing, enjoy it as much as you can, but always remember – this is the journey, not the destination. Enjoy your Sweet 16, _____, and may you have many, many more!

With fond affection,

Mr. S. Wham

Most anyone who knows me knows that I am more or less apolitical. I hate political debates because they are always fraught with hypocrisy. I maintain that it is nearly impossible to be fervent about any political issue without lapsing into some sort of rank hypocrisy. Just for instance, one party screams at the top of their lungs that abortion must be stopped no matter what! The same party doesn’t tend to do very much for those would be aborted babies once they get here, thus often dooming them to a life of abuse and poverty. Am I pro-Choice then? No. I’m not pro-Life either because this world isn’t black ink on white paper. Another political party wants to raise taxes astronomically. What’s the hypocrisy in that? Most politicians within the Beltway are rich. Taxes don’t hurt rich people as much as they hurt poor people simply because rich people have more money to pay taxes with. Oh, and don’t bother trying to explain the tax code to me and how it’s a sliding scale because unless you are a tax attorney with the IRS, you don’t know a bit more than I do.

Now, I pointed all that out to say this. People around here have been as riled up as sore tailed cats in a room full of rocking chairs about President Obama’s speech to students. “He’s trying to indoctrinate our children!” is one battlecry I heard a lot this weekend. Well, if you think his speech is aimed at indoctrination, you either didn’t read the speech I read OR you have the reading comprehension level of a botfly or a politician. The fact is, President Obama’s speech was inspiring and nonpartisan. The reason behind the attacks, dismay and handwringing is the fact that a certain segment of people in this country will hate ANYTHING President Obama does. He could hand out gold bars to every man, woman, and child in America and people would still castigate him. I have even heard some people, who I feel are usually rational, state that they believe President Obama is the Antichrist. It was the same with President Bush. In the minds of a certain segment of the population, George W. Bush was the Antichrist and nothing he could ever do would change that.

I remember when the Iraq War started and half the people in the country went ape-poop over it. President Bush’s supporters wagged their self-righteous fingers in those people’s faces and said, “He is our President and we MUST support him no matter what our PERSONAL feelings may be because the office of President deserves our respect.” Okay, so what changed back in January 2009 when President Obama was sworn in? Suddenly the office of President no longer deserves respect because “your man” isn’t occupying the Oval Office? I’m sorry, but that is the rankest, most odious brand of hypocrisy of all. It reeks of doublespeak and insincerity.

I believe every man (and eventually woman) who occupies the Oval Office leaves behind something positive of note . . . with the possible exception of Millard Filmore. For example, people have vilified President Nixon for thirty years now because of Watergate and quite rightly so, BUT he did open up China to the US again and he did go a long way towards getting our boys home from Vietnam. Others have blasted President Carter for being a “failed Presidency” but he brokered a peace between Israel and Egypt that has held to this day. What it comes down to is trying. Every President has TRIED to make this country better acting on the light that he (for now) possessed. I am a student of history and I defy anyone anywhere to point out ONE, just ONE of the men who have held the office of POTUS who came into the office with the agenda of making our country worse.

I would not have the job of POTUS if someone held a gun to my head. How would you like to get up in the morning knowing that around 40 to 60% of the people in the country HATE YOUR GUTS at any given moment? Not me. I’ve liked all the Presidents that have been in office since I was old enough to understand who the President was. I haven’t always agreed with everything they did, but I respected the fact that they were at least trying and in the end, that’s all any of us can do. If the heads of the DNC and the RNC would be honest, if Jesus Christ Himself came back to Earth and ran for President as a Republican, the Democrats would sling as much mud on Him as they could to try to defeat Him, and if He ran on the Democratic ticket, the Republican Convention would be dead in after Him as well. You simply cannot please everyone or even a majority and it is complete folly for a man with the responsibility of the President to even try.

President Obama is going to do the best he can do for as long as he is in office just like President Bush, Clinton, Bush I, Reagan, Carter, Ford, Nixon, et al tried to do when they were on the hot seat. He will make huge mistakes. He may or may not make impressive gains, but he will TRY. That’s one thing his speech was about — TRYING YOUR BEST. If he’s willing to try so hard in the face of such hatred by some and apathy by others, the least we can do is give him the benefit of the doubt, and you know what? If John McCain had won, I’d say the same thing.

Barak Obama is my President and he deserves my support. If you, for whatever reason, refuse to support the man, you are duty bound as an American to support the office.

Unless you want to be a dirty footed hypocrite.

Well, well, well . . . this little blog has turned a year old! Who’d ‘a thunk it? One year on a journey with all you out there in the blogosphere. Oh my, what a year it’s been as well. When I started Grocery Store Feet one year ago today, I was a librarian at a middle school and I naively thought I had something to say!

Well, I’m not a librarian anymore . . . or I guess I’m a librarian still, I’m just a librarian without a library (except of course my own rather extensive personal library) for now. I have hope, though. Most districts around here will record the mystical “ten day counts” tomorrow and that’s often been a source for new openings. I also have my eye on a job in a neighboring county that is VERY similar to the job I was just cut from . . . I’ve sent my resume — three times — so we’ll just see.

I would like to thank all of you who have taken the time to stop by and read. I’ve grown rather fond of several of you (I’m looking at you TeacherNinja and you too Buffy “Peaches” Hamilton 🙂 )

I also appreciate Doug and Cathy for reminding me to keep writing even when I don’t feel like it. I don’t know if this little blog would have lasted a year without you two. I also appreciate Scott McLeod who, even though he doesn’t drop by much, was invaluable giving advice and ideas on how to keep my quite ample bacon out of the fire. I just wish it’d have worked a little better, LOL.

Now if I got to mentioning people, I know I’ll miss somebody, so please don’t get hurt feelings. If you took time out of you busy day to read something I wrote, then I appreciate you more than you know! Especially in these past several depressing weeks.

So, love y’all bunches and don’t forget to wash your feet!

I just got off the phone with Mike and Joy. They are two of my former and most favorite students from my days of teaching high school English. I had them for all of their four years, I was directly responsible for them starting to date, AND, as an ordained minister, I performed their wedding at their request. When I try hard to remember the good times and not be so hurt and sad about being ousted from education, I always think about Mike and Joy.

Anyway, their only child, little Lisa, started kindergarten today. Mike made Joy take her to school while he stayed in his shop and cried like a baby . . . just like he did on his wedding day ten years ago. He’s such a big softie and I love him and Joy and Mama T and little Lisa like they were my own family. So it was Lisa’s very first day of school ever and Mike told me he and Joy had already gotten a call from Lisa’s teacher at 3:00 this afternoon. While Mike is telling me the story of what Lisa had done, I can hear Joy in the background almost choking she’s laughing so hard trying to tell the same story to HER mama (Mama K) while Mike was talking to me.

Now, Mike runs his own unairconditioned (that fact is quite vital later) “hot rod” and auto body shop. Joy is usually a stay at home mama, but her daddy runs a scrap yard and Joy and her older sister work with him regularly. When they do, they take cars and everything else that comes in and break them down into parts and strip the paint off anything painted. Stuff like that. Well, Lisa goes with Joy and sits with Mama K while Joy works.

First day of school for little Lisa . . . remember? Okay, what is the one question every kindergarten teacher asks every child on the first day of school? That’s right: What do your mama and daddy do for a living? Well, when it comes little Lisa’s turn she answers, quite loudly because she’s not a bit shy, “My daddy sweats over hot bodies all day and my mama is a stripper at my grandpa’s place!”

They’ve got a meeting with the teacher tomorrow to “explain” everything 🙂

Nothing like children to put a proper spin on things!

Love y’all, and remember to be careful with your job titles around the wee ones!

Don’t forget to wash your feet, y’all 🙂

Wikipedia is the bane of the existence of many a stalwart librarian and many and more a stalwart educator. It is maligned and banned and blocked and forbidden in as many ways as possible.

Unfortunately, this whole mindset against the might of Wikipedia is utterly and completely doomed to failure and all you out there in the blogosphere who don’t like it may as well get used to it. The reason is utterly simple and has been inscribed for everyone to read since 1979 when the eminent scholar Douglas Adams penned these words in the novelization of his wildly successful radio play “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.”

Here, for your edification, the reason why Wikipedia kicks every other source’s butt. Please feel free to insert “Wikipedia” and “your favorite wildly expensive database no one uses” in the appropriate places:

In many of the more relaxed civilizations on the Outer Eastern Rim of the Galaxy, the Hitch Hiker’s Guide has already supplanted the great Encyclopedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, for though it has many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects.

First, it is slightly cheaper; and secondly it has the words Don’t Panic inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover.

And who, besides all us sci-fi nerds, would have ever thought ol’ Dougie boy was such a profound philosopher?

Wash your feet while you think this one over, y’all 🙂

He always knew this day was coming, but he tried so very hard to fool himself into denying the inevitable. Once he’d been cut at the end of last season, he told himself it was just a temporary setback and he’d have a new gig with a new team in no time at all. It’d be like the last time he got traded . . . what a row that was! Been with a team for nearly ten years and along comes a new manager and next thing a guy knows, well, he’s looking for a new job. Of course, he’d had an agent back then. He could afford one. Unfortunately, a couple of years bouncing around the minors pretty well did that in. The last two teams, he’d handled his own contracts. It wasn’t like he need a whole lot of legal advice anyway. Guys like him never did. In all his career, he’d never merited more than a little bit above league minimum salary anyway.

After all, it wasn’t like he was a star. He’d never been to the All-Star Game; no World Series or playoff rings adorned his fingers. His baseball card would never be encased in a plastic shell to guard against bent corners or dinged edges. His hitting stats weren’t gaudy . . . he was just barely north of the infamous Mario Mendoza Line . . . but he’d punched seventeen homers over various walls in his career. He was a good, solid defensive player, though, and that’s what kept him in the game. He’d shown up for work every day, taken batting practice every day, shagged his share of fly balls . . . every day. He kept track of the “kids” on away games and he’d helped more than one superstar to a hotel room to “sleep it off.” In all, he’d had fourteen years in the Show. It was nothing to sneeze at, but it was cold comfort where he was now.

After four years on this team, he was cut. The coach said the team didn’t need him anymore. It was nothing personal. Just business, you know? Budgets were being slashed all over, you know? People want the flashy hitters these days and the young pretty boys, you know?. He’d nodded throughout the conversation, shook hands with Coach, and then he’d cleaned out his locker — thankful he was alone with no one to see the pain on his fact.

He’d waited all through the off season for the phone to ring, sure that someone out there needed his steady presence and boundless enthusiasm. Maybe he’d have to start off in the minors again, but that was okay, he’d done that before. It was kind of fun actually. He’d gotten a couple or three calls and went for interviews and workouts, but the story was always the same — thanks for coming, we’ll call if we need you.

The phone never rang a second time, though, and now he was parked in front of the TV in his modest living room  staring at the first game of the season playing out in front of him. His old team was winning 3-1 in the bottom of the seventh. Some new kid straight out of college (or maybe high school) was in his old spot on the bench. Waiting to get in the game. He knew about that wait and now —  too old to start over and too young to retire — waiting was all that he had left.

Enjoy the school year, y’all.

Love y’all and don’t forget to wash those feet.