This is a collection of quotations from the years of Peanuts comic strips by the masterful Charles Schultz. All this work is his and his alone. I make no claim to any of them.

Peanuts Quotes

Charlie Brown

• “That’s the secret to life… replace one worry with another….”
• “I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.”
• “Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.”
• “Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.'”
• “Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘is life a multiple choice test or is it a true or false test?’ Then a voice comes out of the dark, and says: ‘We hate to tell you this, but life is a thousand word essay.'”
• “Sometimes I lie awake at night in bed and I ask, Is it all worth it?’ And then a voice says, ‘Who are you talking to?’ And another voice says, ‘You mean: to whom are you talking?’ And I say, ‘No wonder I lie awake at night.'”
• “Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, ‘Why me?’ And the voice says, ‘Nothing personal your name just happened to come up.'”
• “Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can’t answer…”
• “Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time.”
• “How can we lose? We are so sincere.”
• “The trouble is- before you can get to be a ‘former great’ you have to be a ‘great’.”
• “Isn’t there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?”
• “In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.”
• “This is my ‘depressed stance’. When you’re depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you’ll start to feel better. If you’re going to get any joy out of being depressed, you’ve got to stand like this.”
• “Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.”
• “When you have to get up at 7:00, 6:59 is the worst part of the day!”
• “When you’re depressed, it helps to lean your head on your arm and stare into space–if you’re unusually depressed, you may have to change arms.”
• “Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don’t worry…I’m here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you.” (Charlie to Snoopy)
• “There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters…I could be their leader.”
• “If I stand here, I can see the Little Red Haired girl when she comes out of her house… Of course, if she sees me peeking around this tree, she’ll think I’m the dumbest person in the world… But if I don’t peek around the tree, I’ll never see her… Which means I probably AM the dumbest person in the world… which explains why I’m standing in a batch of poison oak.”

Linus Van Pelt

• “Life is a wishbone.”
• “I know there is a lesson to be learned here somewhere, but I don’t know what it is.”
• “Do they make wooden Christmas trees anymore?”
• “I love mankind. It’s people I can’t stand.”
• “Life is like a ten-speed bicycle… Some of us have gears we never use.”
• “There are three things I’ve learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.”

 

Schroeder

• “There is no greater burden than a great potential.”

 

 

 

Marcie

• “The world is full of unmarried marriage counsellors…”

 

 

 

Lucy

• “Happiness is a warm puppy.”
• “When you have a pretty face you don’t need to be a nice person.”
• “I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I’m in the wrong building.”
• “If no one answers the phone, dial louder.”
• “No matter how hard you try, you can’t build a rain man.”
• “Sidewalks always win… Knees always lose!”

 

Peppermint Patty

• “Subtraction is the awful feeling that you know less today than you did yesterday.”

 

 

 

Snoopy

• “Yesterday I was a dog. Today I’m a dog. Tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.”
• “Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I feel very peculiar. I feel like I’ve just got to bite a cat! I feel like if I don’t bite a cat before sundown, I’ll go crazy! But then I just take a deep breath and forget about it. That’s what is known as real maturity.”
• “My life is going by too fast… My only hope is that we go into overtime.”
• “No matter how hard you try, you can’t steer a dog dish!”
• “It’s all right to look interested, but looking bored is easier on the eyes.”
• “Why can’t we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn’t work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.”