What I Know About Myself: Automatic vs. Manual


Self awareness is a valuable thing, or so I’m told. According to The-Reason-I-Get-Up-In-The-Morning, I am prone to lack such awareness. She often accuses me of “not having a filter.” Actually, I get that a lot. After much pondering and debate, I’ve finally realized the confusion stems from my transmission. I am an automatic shift in a five speed manual world.

The vast majority of people in the world have manual transmission in their heads. Now, anyone who knows anything about stick shifts knows that the car won’t go into gear unless you depress the clutch. This requires some input from the driver, or in this case, speaker. Most people have a thought that hits them wrong and they want to say something, but they work those gears and once they let out the clutch, the situation drives on smoothly.

For good or ill, I’m not like that. I have a Turbo Hydromatic 400 auto tranny between my brain and mouth. That means when I push the gas or someone else pushes my buttons, the car JUST GOES. Burning rubber and burning bridges all at the same time! Now don’t get me wrong. I in no way advocate my way of communicating to anyone who wants to get in a sandbox with others. It’s a lonely existence when you can go from zero to redneck in 5.2 seconds.

Of course, I’ve been that way a long time. By now, those who like me are pretty much willing to take me as I am and those that don’t like me; well, they tend to stay away. I keep telling myself that someday I’m going to swap out this auto slushbox for a nice Muncie 4 Speed with a Hurst shifter . . . but as CCR puts it so very well, “sometimes someday never comes.”

Hope everything’s going well for all y’all. Don’t forget to wash your feet, or at least knock them off, before you get in the car! Love y’all muches.

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