One of the greatest ironies of my life and my marriage with Budge is the fact that we have never had children despite both being teachers for years and working with children in our churches for just as long. As of our last anniversary, we have been married 27 years. I’m 52; Budge is 45, so it’s quite unlikely we’ll be having children now. If we did find out we were pregnant, I’m pretty sure neither one of us would survive the news. I know I’d have a heart attack and I’m not even the one who would have to carry the baby.

We didn’t set out to not have children. We even spent many hours of in depth conversations about how we would raise children, what our expectations would be, and what our respective parenting styles would look like. It was all theoretical, of course, but we had the conversations. We thought we were ready. Daddy, only half jokingly, told us we needed to wait ten years before we had kids. That would have put me at 35 and Budge at 28, which seemed pretty good. So ten years came and went and we thought the time was right.

The children never came. We never really said we were trying to have kids just like I never technically asked Budge to marry me, we just didn’t try not having them. As I got near to 40, we realized there was a good chance we weren’t having children naturally. We briefly considered IVF, but we looked into prices and realized no way could we afford it. Insurance wouldn’t cover it and we certainly couldn’t pay the thousands out of pocket it would have cost.

We had another reason for not wanting to go that route. We didn’t feel we HAD to have children. It would be nice, but we loved each other and we were happy together. We’d seen what happened when people started working with fertility issues. Things were fine at first, then nerves started fraying, then fingers started pointing. In some cases, couples split up over trying to have children. We didn’t feel like going through that. Even worse, we saw two very good friend have an IVF baby after many thousands of dollars and several failed attempts. The baby boy instantly became the Sun to their universe. Everything they were and did became wrapped up into that child. The boy is in high school now and he’s ruined. Spoiled, entitled, and the be all and end all of his parents’ marriage. It’s not healthy in any way possible. We didn’t want that.

So now we are looking at a childless future and we’re okay with that. I do worry about one of the two of us dying alone. It’s just the two of us really. We aren’t very close to any of our family that haven’t died already. Inevitably one of us will pass away and the other will be left alone. That makes me sad. Budge doesn’t think about it much because that’s the way she deals with things.

Still, having children doesn’t guarantee you won’t die alone. I know parents who had two or three or more children and raised them as best as they knew how. They loved them, provided for them, took care of them, and the children still abandoned them in their old age. I saw it with my own eyes when I visited Ima at the nursing home. Families that never came. I think that would be worse than just not having children in the first place.

Some people may wonder about our perspectives on adoption. We were fine with adopting. We had no qualms about it at all. Then we looked into the process. Both of us have some health problems and most adoption agencies aren’t going to place a child with unhealthy individuals. If that wasn’t enough, as anyone who has read this blog long knows, I have issues with mental health. An agency that might allow a less than healthy adoption would never put a child with someone with mental health. So, that pretty much shoots adoption in the foot.

So there you have it. My thoughts on us not having children. It could be worse. I just wish we’d have some way to not be alone in the world after one of us is gone. But that’s just the way it is.

Love y’all. Keep those feet clean.